Is Monday Meltdown Day?

I wanted to start this week with spring inspired cheery hello. A nod to beautiful blooms and warmth on our skin. The truth is I had a mini meltdown this morning while scrubbing a dish in the sink – I feel completely overwhelmed by my schedule, life, the whole caboodle – Oh god yes I went there. That emotion of out of control, and the thoughts and language that turns destructive – I know I don’t even have to describe it to you, the questioning the berating and the doubting.
I went down that slippery soap and when I arrived so do the tears along with a raising my voice and projecting my frustration on my kids. Thus a significant focus on dirty plates and stuff not picked up – you probably know the drill. Anyone else start Monday this way?

Once I calmed a little, I recognized that tears come from a place of feeling like I’m failing, the sense of being out of control. I can see my children are struggling and if only I were a full-time mother who could be 100% there for them at home, preparing for school, greeting after school, helping with homework, tending to illness, unpacking emotions, guiding them with skills for their adult life and helping them make healthy food choices. As I type this I can see the lunacy – does this even fucking exist? I’m sure it does or at least it must in my mind or through the filters that I view other parents who seem to handle things better than me.

People often and I’m not exaggerating here say to me “I don’t know how you do it” – Well I don’t know either today. There is this constant feeling of the juggling balls especially when it comes to managing to parent and work full time.

I would love to be able to type and share practical advice and what I do for myself and anyone reading when I feel this way, you know, leave you with something useful rather than just read about someone complaining. That’s my default, right? Make nice, help people to connect to something good, be helpful.
All I’ve got in the emotional tank right now is enough to do this: I’m going to breathe in and out, and be gentle on myself until this overwhelm feeling subsides and pledge to be kind to myself today.

I hope wherever you are, and what you are doing, you can manage kindness for yourself today too.